I find Chobani yogurt irritating. Way too thick and sticky. How did they get so popular while being this thick and sticky? You can barely stir it. And it is impossible to mix with muesli. You just end up with a giant clump of yogurt and muesli wrapped around your spoon. Is it because people on diets (99% of America it seems) can eat it and delude themselves into thinking it is ice cream? How do these people make their muesli and yogurt in the morning - with a f*cking Evinrude as a mixer? I bet someone in the Vatican decided to switch to Chobani yogurt one day, and the Pope said, "Well, that's it. I am just not strong enough to stir this f*cking stuff into my muesli. I am retired." You know the Pope, right? The one will all the f*cking answers? Who speaks directly to whatshisheritsname? Superman. That's it. The Pope speaks to Superman. Chobani yogurt is kryptonite. After Zipporah circumcized Moses on the way to Egypt, everything else has just been going down the toilet. I blame the dame. Chobani kryptonite circumcision yogurt is going in the trash compactor. Give me back my runny Swiss-style yogurt. I am a man, dammit.
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