How do you prevent @ssh0les from ruining your day?

[Mabouya]

Example #1 : A few days ago (while at work) I had to deal with a bureaucrat / functionary type of person who has a small degree of authority in his part of the organization. I've dealt with him before and the last time it also escalated as I don't like backing down when confronted by idiots. The same thing happened last week, and the guy again started to assert the small amount of power he has in that area. I tried to minimize the damage, got the information I needed, and left.

From my perspective (he, presumably, would disagree) I would say that the problem was caused primarily by his petty-tyrant personality, but also (to a much smaller degree) by my unwillingness to go along with what I knew he wanted, although that would minimize the conflict, because it would force me to accept what I thought were his unreasonable demands.

This has bothered me a bit for a few days, partially because I dislike it when I allow other people to have the power to annoy me. This doesn't happen often, maybe a few times a year, but when it does, it's a pita.

Example #2 : Let's say you're happily riding along on the bike, a car passes right next to you and the passenger yells "Get off the road, moron!" (or something to that effect) That's a bit easier to forget, but that too bugs me for a while. The simple fact that people like that are sharing the earth (and the road) with me is a disturbing.

So here's my real question: what do you find is the most effective way to 1) deal with these people, and 2) after such an encounter how do you best put it behind you?

[Peter Polack]

The Stanford Graduate School of Business may have your answer.

Believe it or not, I do the same things you do when interacting with @ssh0les. And yes, it bugs me for days afterwards, too.

[caleb]

Empathy.

Ask: What causes someone to behave like this?

Life sucks for lots of folks, and they seek little bits of power where they can. It’s your choice whether or not you let them rule your brain space.

[Mabouya]

Ask: What causes someone to behave like this?

I did, in fact do this. ^^^

It’s your choice whether or not you let them rule your brain space.

True, but even though I might know and recognize this, it's easier said than done.

[cash]

With people like that, I simply don't give a shit about their opinions/actions/worldviews etc. Giving a shit empowers them.

I let them pass on by like a flatulent cloud and take what I need.

[open roader]

You are employed in a job that presumably pays you to interact with others despite them acting like arseholes. I'd say that's a win and could never ruin my day. I object to having to deal with such people and not being paid or worse paying for the privilege of having to interact with arseholes. Don't let that ruin your day, suck it up and take a hit for the team. Also agree with caleb above, there is usually a reason why people are anti social and it's often a sad story and sometimes not their fault.

Arseholes that shoot past on the bike - way too close for comfort then yell abuse at you............ def. unpleasant but not a day ruining deal breaker for me either. I'd much rather be seen, targeted and abused (even have stuff thrown at me) than to not be seen at all and be 'accidentally' run over by a different type of arsehole. So to answer the question, I just pedal on and rack it up to the yin and yang of riding a bike on the road.

[Peter Polack]

One tactic I use to put @ssh0les in their place is to naively ask them a personal question such as, "Are you having personal problems? You're always so angry...". In reality, you don't care about their personal problems but are putting a dent in their armor.

They subconsciously realize they've been exposed, while you can feign ignorance at asking such an "innocent" but subtly sarcastic question.

[Clyde]

Don't let anyone rent space in your head. Muster up the ability to put your ego aside and breathe through it and let it go. It's not worth it, the price you pay to let them sit in your head and mind f*ck you is way more than you can afford.

[rwsaunders]

I let myself believe that someone like that will eventually run for public office, commit a crime (or two) and be convicted while I just ride my bike and go on with life.

[Chad]

Don't let anyone rent space in your head. Muster up the ability to put your ego aside and breathe through it and let it go. It's not worth it, the price you pay to let them sit in your head and mind f*ck you is way more than you can afford.

Totally agree, but as said earlier, easier said than done. I need to work on this. Sometimes I wish I could break my "give a shit".

[GrantM]

So here's my real question: what do you find is the most effective way to 1) deal with these people, and 2) after such an encounter how do you best put it behind you?

I think that part of the process of reacting to people that upset you (in a healthy person) is that you immediately internalize or analyze your own behaviour
for something you may have done to contribute to the situation. When you give yourself the all-clear that this happened to you, and wasn't something
that is your fault. It helps you move on.

The empathy suggestion is a good one too, probably helps de-escalate the anger emotional reaction by feeling sorry for a person so obviously struggling
or suffering with some issue.

-g

[Bob Ross]

I've dealt with him before and the last time it also escalated as I don't like backing down when confronted by idiots.

Walking away from an idiot is not "backing down".

[marley]

Example #1 : A few days ago (while at work) I had to deal with a bureaucrat / functionary type of person who has a small degree of authority in his part of the organization. I've dealt with him before and the last time it also escalated as I don't like backing down when confronted by idiots. The same thing happened last week, and the guy again started to assert the small amount of power he has in that area. I tried to minimize the damage, got the information I needed, and left.

From my perspective (he, presumably, would disagree) I would say that the problem was caused primarily by his petty-tyrant personality, but also (to a much smaller degree) by my unwillingness to go along with what I knew he wanted, although that would minimize the conflict, because it would force me to accept what I thought were his unreasonable demands.

This has bothered me a bit for a few days, partially because I dislike it when I allow other people to have the power to annoy me. This doesn't happen often, maybe a few times a year, but when it does, it's a pita.

Example #2 : Let's say you're happily riding along on the bike, a car passes right next to you and the passenger yells "Get off the road, moron!" (or something to that effect) That's a bit easier to forget, but that too bugs me for a while. The simple fact that people like that are sharing the earth (and the road) with me is a disturbing.

So here's my real question: what do you find is the most effective way to 1) deal with these people, and 2) after such an encounter how do you best put it behind you?

go into the bathroom and have a conversation with the mirror - 50/50 chance your looking at the problem and the solution

or just pause, resist the urge to respond and take 2-3 deep breathes, in that time you may realize or hear something you were not able to because you came into the situation already pre-loaded - speaking of your interaction with the work colleague.

[JoB]

That's been my approach also.

There is an On Being podcast (recommend those BTW) on forgiving and conflict where the guest states something along "forgiveness is most beneficial to the person who does the forgiving" and it's changed how I think about this stuff.

Empathy.

Ask: What causes someone to behave like this?

Life sucks for lots of folks, and they seek little bits of power where they can. It’s your choice whether or not you let them rule your brain space.

[ides1056]

On a recent flight across the country I met a person unlike any I have ever met: he spent 36 years in prison for murder.

This spoke to him: Nonviolent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg.

https://www.cnvc.org/

[bking]

This reminds me of one my kids sent to me last week:

"Dude, how do you manage to stay so cool all the time?"

"Because I don't get into arguments with stupid people. I just cut it short and say "You're right".

"But that's completely wrong and irrational!"

"You're right."

[boots2000]

The 4 agreements

Be impeccable with your word.
Don't take anything personally.
Don't make assumptions.
Always do your best.

[fastupslowdown]

Example #1 : A few days ago (while at work) I had to deal with a bureaucrat / functionary type of person who has a small degree of authority in his part of the organization. I've dealt with him before and the last time it also escalated as I don't like backing down when confronted by idiots. The same thing happened last week, and the guy again started to assert the small amount of power he has in that area. I tried to minimize the damage, got the information I needed, and left.

From my perspective (he, presumably, would disagree) I would say that the problem was caused primarily by his petty-tyrant personality, but also (to a much smaller degree) by my unwillingness to go along with what I knew he wanted, although that would minimize the conflict, because it would force me to accept what I thought were his unreasonable demands.

This has bothered me a bit for a few days, partially because I dislike it when I allow other people to have the power to annoy me. This doesn't happen often, maybe a few times a year, but when it does, it's a pita.

Example #2 : Let's say you're happily riding along on the bike, a car passes right next to you and the passenger yells "Get off the road, moron!" (or something to that effect) That's a bit easier to forget, but that too bugs me for a while. The simple fact that people like that are sharing the earth (and the road) with me is a disturbing.

So here's my real question: what do you find is the most effective way to 1) deal with these people, and 2) after such an encounter how do you best put it behind you?

You simply don't let them. They only ruin your day if you give them the power

[SlowPokePete]

For me, retirement mostly solved this problem.

SPP

[mjbabcock]

Example #2 : Let's say you're happily riding along on the bike, a car passes right next to you and the passenger yells "Get off the road, moron!" (or something to that effect) That's a bit easier to forget, but that too bugs me for a while. The simple fact that people like that are sharing the earth (and the road) with me is a disturbing.

So here's my real question: what do you find is the most effective way to 1) deal with these people, and 2) after such an encounter how do you best put it behind you?

On this one...they are assholes cause they aren't able to get out on a ride. They are pent up, frustrated, unhappy because they are out of shape and need to be somewhere...you're automatically in a better position than them, and should celebrate.