We're having a kid!

[dgaddis]

Well, we can finally tell everyone, we're having our first kiddo!! The wife is 11 weeks along, ETA is March 24th. Found out mid-July, and two weeks ago we had our first doctor's appointment (why won't they see you until 8 weeks??) and got our first picture.

I have to say, I wasn't prepared for that. I was expecting it to look like a little bean, but instead it was a little person! Torso, head, arms/legs. We got to hear the heart beat. Blew me away. We also were lucky enough to see it wiggle around on screen - that qualifies as one of the coolest moments in my life. I know there's more to come that'll surpass that moment, but, it was awesome.

So...knowing nothing about babies or pregnancy, and with it really feeling real after seeing the picture and telling family and friends, I want to be better prepared. I know the best way to learn is by doing, but I figure the more I know going in, the better off I'll be. Knowledge is power and all that.

So, what books/podcasts/articles/etc do you experienced parents recommend?

I've already read 'From Dude to Dad'. We've got 'Baby Wise' as well on the recommendation of some friends who have two great kids.

What else?

[davids]

My recommendation is to minimize the reading. I found that 80% of those baby books drove me crazy, full of every possible problem that you could possibly confront. They're designed to scare the crap out of you.

So, one book: Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition: Richard Ferber: 97874321636: Amazon.com: Books We got this as a shower present and had a "WTF?" reaction - we don't even have the kid yet, much less one with sleep problems. But the ideas in the book, many of which are counter-intuitive, became a model for not only our kid's 'sleep hygiene' but also for behavioral guidance in general. (And my wife had the opportunity, many years later, to ask the man in person how to manage a teenager's sleep patterns! His answer was basically, "avoid jet lag." I'll explain that in 13 years...)

Next, two pieces of advice:

• Parenting is the only thing I've ever done that was hardest at first and got easier. Your newborn will be completely dependent on you, have nearly binary communication skills, and will change week-to-week if not day-to-day. As the kid gets older, it will gain knowledge, skills, experience and independence.
• On the other hand, you only need to be one step ahead of your kid. If the child is one month old, you need to be prepared for a two-month-old. If the kid's eight, get ready for nine. Your child will never know that you weren't ready for teenage moodiness when s/he was a toddler.

And finally: Congratulations! Parenthood is the best.

[MDEnvEngr]

"Baby Wise" was our favorite. After three, my only advise is not to underestimate how smart they are even at the very early stages. If you are not careful they will have you fully trained in a matter of months. Also, do not give up riding - I think it is important for kids to see their parents active and having fun. Being surrounded by riding and riders (our house was/is one of the local trailheads) had somehting to do with three bicycle-loving children. Good luck and have fun!

[ron l edmiston]

-- on my shoulders forever.., but i wasn't the best father.. thankful for tammy being the "bestest" mother..
i was traveling the globe for valvoline and my fathering skills, sorry to own from within, from my father..
military and a totalitarian dictatorship on my behalf, better that i was traveling..
i discovered how much i loved and respected ashley after she went off to the university of florida and has continued
to grow so righteous and awesome..
"i can never go back to where i never once was.."
i am now that father i coulda/woulda/shoulda been.. & the grandfather i am proud of..

my joy for you both and "fly with your child," the journey will be awesome..

ronnie

[KonaSS]

Congrats - agree with others, a few books are ok, but with experience and an open mind, you will figure it out just fine.

Also - echo the advice to keep riding. I recommend that you and the wife allow time for each other to get away and enjoy some "me" time, I think you will be much happier.

And if you can figure out how to make ride time work when they are 3 months, by 3 years, you can usually have all the ride time you want. Too many people I see here say "I have been off the bike for x years as we have had kids." That would have killed me.

[bigbill]

My kid is a week into his senior year in high school. My wife was two months pregnant when I deployed and seven months when I returned. I missed the big hormone roller coaster, darn it. It's not real until you're holding the newborn and see and feel how tiny they are and how totally dependent they are upon you. Then there's the little milestones like hugging back (more like clinging, but I called it hugging), smiling, and laughing. It's amazing to see how they develop and their personality.

I tried reading baby books, but it came down to paying attention to trends (I'm an engineer) and finding the patterns in what makes them fussy or content. My son liked people getting down on his level, looking up made him cranky. As he got older, he didn't want help with his toys but he wanted someone there when he played. He's still like that.

I set up a computrainer in a spare room with a barrier dividing it from the rest of the room. I put a soft rug and toys in the room and he was mostly content to know I was there spinning away and talking to him periodically. Roly Poly Oly was my favorite show to ride while watching. I was a Thomas the Tank Engine fan but it was a little slow for working out.

[dgaddis]

Keep it coming folks.

Riding - I'll certainly keep riding. We've already talked about that. Not just riding, but us still being us. A lot of our friends have kids now, and some did a good job of staying who they were, others let their kids totally take over their lives. They're no longer Tom and Sally, they're Johnny's parents. We don't want to just be someone's parents. Of course there will be changes, but don't want to lose who we are.

As for how dang smart they are - no kidding! My best friend has two little girls, the oldest will turn 4 this November. Last year at Christmas when our group of friends exchanged gifts I gave my buddy Brian a belt buckle. The kids get most of the gifts now of course haha, but no one imagined the kids were paying any attention to anything else going on outside of their new toys. Fast forward about 4 months and we all get together again, the moment Brian walks in the door the oldest kid takes one look at him and says "Mr. Brian you're wearing your new belt buckle." They're freakin' sponges, they absorb everything happening around them whether you realize it or not haha. We live a few hours apart so we only see them every other month or so, but every time it's crazy how much the girls have grown and their new 'skills'. Two months ago we got together for dinner, and afterwards we were standing around outside I was showing the youngest one some flowers and the bees in the flowers. This weekend we got together again, went to the same restaurant, and afterwards when we went outside the little one was looking around the flowers and asking "bee?" trying to find the bees. She's about 1.75yrs old now, is learning a lot of words but isn't quite putting sentences together yet. They're fun.

[Too Tall]

Mazel Tov :)

[davids]

Oh, I do have a book recommendation for you:

Anna Karenina.
Specifically Part 7, Chapter 16.
Levin meets his son.

Tolstoy's a genius.

[liv2bike]

Congrats man. There is nothing better in this world. It'll come man. Don't worry about not knowing what to do. You'll know what to do when the time comes. As a father of 4...trust me man. Cheers.

Guy

[Matthew Strongin]

Oh, I do have a book recommendation for you:

Anna Karenina.
Specifically Part 7, Chapter 16.
Levin meets his son.

Tolstoy's a genius.

You rule.

Dustin, plenty of great advice above. So I'll just add that you need to make sure to enjoy every minute. Even the difficult ones. You'll be surprised how much you miss them as the baby grows. My boy is only 15 months old and I already miss the tiny little version of him from 14 months ago. I spent my entire life firmly believing I didn't want kids. Now that I have one, I am confident that it is the single most rewarding and enjoyable thing I've ever done. They are, put simply, the best. Congrats!

[mjbabcock]

Oh, man. I'm at three and can finally see the light at the end of what's been a 7 year tunnel. I've got to admit that I am selfish and think that cycling , with it's propensity for 4-7 hour outings, fed into that. But I was also focused on professional advancement, and extended backpacking trips, and climbing mointains...much has been forced to the back burner. There must be 30,000 times in the last 2,000 days where I had to let go of what I wanted. This may have been skipping a ride, or saying no to a trip, or missing a concert, or not sleeping...lots of not sleeping. And we own a minivan!

Recalibrating yourself takes time. Kids first, mom second, work third, kid forth through 50th, mom 51-1000th, and yourself in about 1001 place. You can try to push yourself up in the que, but when it's raining and 45 degrees and you have a baby wrapped in blankets and crying in a burley trailer as you try to do intervals, you will start to question what you are trying to accomplish.

My 101 level advise is as follows:
-Start jogging. A good run is 30-60 minutes and if you have the kid in the stroler you don't worry about cars like you do in a trailer.
-get your partner to sleep when she can and take the kid...she needs it. Sleep when you can.
-take your estimates of how long something is going to take and double it. This could be getting in the car or a year long project.

[marley]

Oh, man. I'm at three and can finally see the light at the end of what's been a 7 year tunnel. I've got to admit that I am selfish and think that cycling , with it's propensity for 4-7 hour outings, fed into that. But I was also focused on professional advancement, and extended backpacking trips, and climbing mointains...much has been forced to the back burner. There must be 30,000 times in the last 2,000 days where I had to let go of what I wanted. This may have been skipping a ride, or saying no to a trip, or missing a concert, or not sleeping...lots of not sleeping. And we own a minivan!

Recalibrating yourself takes time. Kids first, mom second, work third, kid forth through 50th, mom 51-1000th, and yourself in about 1001 place. You can try to push yourself up in the que, but when it's raining and 45 degrees and you have a baby wrapped in blankets and crying in a burley trailer as you try to do intervals, you will start to question what you are trying to accomplish.

My 101 level advise is as follows:
-Start jogging. A good run is 30-60 minutes and if you have the kid in the stroler you don't worry about cars like you do in a trailer.
-get your partner to sleep when she can and take the kid...she needs it. Sleep when you can.
-take your estimates of how long something is going to take and double it. This could be getting in the car or a year long project.

Re-calibrate often - wife / two of you as a couple should come first very once in awhile - if your not happy - the little ones will know it

[bking]

Books on raising kids? I often joke, sort of, that no one who has three or more children writes a book on how to raise them. They know better. I see Baby Wise mentioned above, I've never heard of it or it's author so I looked it up: two daughters. The "rule" still applies.

We have raised six and every child is so different, doesn't matter it's from the same parents. And love and a desire to protect comes naturally to parents in all be rare cases. Give the child all the time you can, then a little more than that, and you'll do well. Take pictures, write stuff down: "dad, who delivers the mail to the mail man?". "Why do they call it chicken pox?". It'll go faster then a downhill mountain track, be twice as scary, ten times as hard, a thousand times worth it all when it's over. It's never over though.

[davids]

Oh, man. I'm at three and can finally see the light at the end of what's been a 7 year tunnel. I've got to admit that I am selfish and think that cycling , with it's propensity for 4-7 hour outings, fed into that. But I was also focused on professional advancement, and extended backpacking trips, and climbing mointains...much has been forced to the back burner. There must be 30,000 times in the last 2,000 days where I had to let go of what I wanted. This may have been skipping a ride, or saying no to a trip, or missing a concert, or not sleeping...lots of not sleeping. And we own a minivan!

Recalibrating yourself takes time. Kids first, mom second, work third, kid forth through 50th, mom 51-1000th, and yourself in about 1001 place. You can try to push yourself up in the que, but when it's raining and 45 degrees and you have a baby wrapped in blankets and crying in a burley trailer as you try to do intervals, you will start to question what you are trying to accomplish.

My 101 level advise is as follows:
-Start jogging. A good run is 30-60 minutes and if you have the kid in the stroler you don't worry about cars like you do in a trailer.
-get your partner to sleep when she can and take the kid...she needs it. Sleep when you can.
-take your estimates of how long something is going to take and double it. This could be getting in the car or a year long project.

You sound unhappy with your choices. I'm sorry.

[mjbabcock]

Attachment 103953I'm actually quite happy, but I'm honest about the push and pull that I've encountered when children were brought into the mix. Life happens, and I've dealt with the wife facing gender discrimination, job changes, a broken leg that took 2 years to get back to normal, colic...
It's all about the journey, and I wouldn't trade my journey for anyone else's, but I've never been one to chose the well troden path.
I was just hoping to convey the challenges that children can bring...i can just as easily share the joy.

[sbornia]

Congrats, that's awesome! All your kind and thoughtful posts here, you're going to be a great dad.

We really like Aha Parenting's resources: Parenting Advice and Parenting Blog | Aha Parenting.com

[DaveS]

My 101 level advise is as follows:
-Start jogging. A good run is 30-60 minutes and if you have the kid in the stroler you don't worry about cars like you do in a trailer.
-get your partner to sleep when she can and take the kid...she needs it. Sleep when you can.
-take your estimates of how long something is going to take and double it. This could be getting in the car or a year long project.

This x1000. And embrace that there will be days when you are just too tired for the planned workout. However...it's all worth it!

[Corso]

Congrats! Welcome to the club!
Like many have stated, relax on reading too much about it.
Everyone has an angle. I recall my first Lamaze class: Whoaaaa???? modern medicine is trying to harm my wife and future baby?
Then spoke to doctors/ anesthesiologist: If you broke your leg, would you want the doctor to set it without pain management?

Go into everything with an open mind.

Riding: When you look into those little eyes, you may find yourself skipping rides because you’d rather be home. And there is NOTHING wrong with that!

oh, and start thinking of names early!

Good luck to your wife, she’s doing all the work now!

[j44ke]

We have no kids, but my mother was a childcare specialist and basically a mommy-whisperer, to borrow a term coined for training horses (not my implication - that moms are horses.) And I grew up with babies around my knees for years as my mother shepherded new moms and dads through the first 3-4 years of their kids' lives. Most of the things my mom encouraged back then (kids should get dirty and play with animals, they should eat natural foods, parents decide when nursing stops, sleep training is as important to parents as it is to children, etc.) are now pretty typical advice.

So I'd say the best thing you can do is find someone like my mom who has plenty of real world ground level experience with whom you can share your frustrations and problems as well as your successes and joy. Might be someone in your own family but it could be elsewhere. Look into Lamaze and La Leche League. Anticipate that nursing is not impossible but may require practice on both the mother and baby's part. And dads need to relax and just be loving and warm. And friends of ours who've had babies have sometimes found it helpful to maintain contact with recent parents who can predict upcoming stages and steps based on their recent experience. And perhaps hand down baby clothes and accessories.

As my mother used to say, don't avoid reality - you are going to mess up your kid in one direction or another - its inevitable - you just have to hope and help them right their boat when needed, keep them safe and get them back on their way. If people are imperfect, then two people making one person is going to be a little sloppy.

But as e-Richie says, Imperfection is perfection, so you guys are going to be perfect.