Bicycle riding while properly drunk or otherwise out of your mind

About 12 years ago my now ex-wife owned a very boujee bakery and coffee shop. We had a New Years Eve party where I was the bartender.. I was in my early 30’s and had just started drinking. We found a book at a thrift store called ‘Mixed Drinks According to your Astrological Sign’. When someone would come to the bar I would ask their sign then mix a drink accordingly. I was fairly new to booze so I hadn’t tried most of them-but a couple of sips out of 40-50 drinks later I was full on Robozooted! Yikes-I told my wife I would just ride home.. couple of things-I had pretty much only eaten a block of scallion cashew blue cheese, my house was 15 miles away with a 2.8 mile climb at 6%, and I did not have a bike. She left and I realized my lack of bike. I found one outside of the depot, very basic box store bike.. I started riding it—

January 1st at about 7:15 in the morning I woke up in a ditch half way up that hill covered ina blue cheese like coating of vomit. Finished the ride home realizing I had made a wonderful section and stolen a bike. My ex said, ‘I was wondering when you would get home.’

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Originally Posted by Too Tall

That sounds like a worth venture.

Get him to tell about getting locked out of his hotel room.

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Oh yea, wasn't he nekked or something? Was that NAHBS?

Drunken riding started for me in the 70's.

Car-based shenanigans, because we were schooled on driving by TV shows like Rockford Files and Streets of San Francisco (and movies like Bullitt and The French Connection), meant we were grounded from car use much of the time. So my best friend and I rode to parties.

Keg parties were usually at the margins of town, sand pits, tobacco fields, cul-de-sac developments, etc. The bike always enabled an escape route, whereas cars had to go through a pinch point.

Ride home was always in the pitch dark, no helmet, no lights. We rat raced like fiends, or weaved like buffoons, and then split up for the last mile home on our own.

One night I get a call from my wingman, come get me, I hit a deer. Anger ensued because my current grounding was from car damage due to a deer hit, which my parents assumed was a cover story for other shenanigans.

He was following standard procedure, riding the crown of the road on a moonless night, almost going by feel save the occasional glimpse of the yellow line. The deer was astride the yellow line when he t-boned it at 20 mph. He sailed cleanly over the bars and landed flat on his back. Laid there on the road, half drunk and all stunned, hearing something on the road next to him wheezing with its wind knocked out. Heard its hooves scrape on the road as it got up and walked it off. The bike had a tacoed front wheel and the fork legs were folded back.

A good friend of mine worked for the USDA in downtown DC. One July 4th I rode from my office in Alexandria to his work to attend a rooftop party from which to watch the fireworks. We drank and ate and watched fireworks, eventually collecting our bikes from their onsite bike locker/secure area. I made it to the key bridge on the bike but then encountered a huge mob of people walking across the bridge. I cleared a path by making siren noises at the top of my lungs. I felt so powerful I’m that moment, people clearing the way for two drunks on track bikes.

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Originally Posted by bbillington

A good friend of mine worked for the USDA in downtown DC. One July 4th I rode from my office in Alexandria to his work to attend a rooftop party from which to watch the fireworks. We drank and ate and watched fireworks, eventually collecting our bikes from their onsite bike locker/secure area. I made it to the key bridge on the bike but then encountered a huge mob of people walking across the bridge. I cleared a path by making siren noises at the top of my lungs. I felt so powerful I’m that moment, people clearing the way for two drunks on track bikes.

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That was you???? I was doing the "ding ding ding ding" ;)

I built a "bar bike" for a fun summer in DC last year before my baby was born. Alas, covid, no bars for the bar bike yet.

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Originally Posted by Smitty2k1

I built a "bar bike" for a fun summer in DC last year before my baby was born. Alas, covid, no bars for the bar bike yet.

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Details! In my mind a bar bike has got to be barely rideable so you can find it after leaving it unlocked is subsequently stolen and chucked because...it's a bar bike.

I have several Pub Bikes. Most are vintage Schwinn girls Breezers or Hollywoods. (I think Evel Knievel caused us boys to break all the boys Schwinns) Put a big basket on the front and a 3 digit Abus lock, good to go. Yea it is the clunkiest bike in the corral, but it gets you there. I don't advise riding up hills on them much. I won't drive with alcohol on board, but the pub bike will get you to and home on all the back streets. They also double as out of town guest bikes used for going for ice cream, dining, seeing the University, attending events along the river and of course pub crawls. Best $100 bucks per bike I ever spent. Warning, do not do any work other than oiling the chain on those bikes. When you open up the bearings nightmares will occur. At best just throw a bit of fresh grease in there. I didn't know a couple broken spokes doesn't always effect the quality of ride in all bikes.

In college, I would do a fair bit of intoxicated urban freeriding with local hooligans. Mostly in full face helmets to prevent easy identification. The local constabulary would give chase but never prevail. They wound up hiring the owner of a local shop - who led the rides - to do handling skills workshops so they could get good enough on MTBs to catch us.

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Originally Posted by Too Tall

Details! In my mind a bar bike has got to be barely rideable so you can find it after leaving it unlocked is subsequently stolen and chucked because...it's a bar bike.

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I got a used 2010 Jamis Aurora Elite a few years back for a couple hundred. Learned to do my own bike work with it and replaced near everything on it. Recently did a flat bar conversion and the only things left stock are the headset, rear rack, disc calipers, and FD! It's a bit nicer than it needs to be but it will also fill the role of baby hauler in a month or two when my kid is old enough. Have a stem mounted baby seat read to install. It will also be one of my two commuters and grocery getters once the plauge is over.

I'm fortunate to have never had a bike stolen here so I'm not too worried about locking it up. I'm also a professional drunk and will not have any problems keeping track of it after a late night... If I'm ever allowed to have those again!

Had dreams last summer party hopping to some BBQs and bars on it, but alas...

Here are some pics I took not too long ago:
https://imgur.com/a/LB7UteT

Nice Rig Smitty, it would not last 10 seconds in DC.