Fitting Dilemma...

I know these things are hard to sort out over the interwebs, but I have really learned a great deal going through older posts on this forum and there is clearly some real expertise amongst the participants here, so I thought I would at least throw this out for feedback and see if you all could share some thoughts...

In a nutshell:

I have tried a few different bikes over the past several years – gradually going with shorter top tubes but still searching for that elusive perfect fit (or as close as I can come to it). In rank order I was on a 58 cm Cervelo SL (just plain too big), then a L Time NXR Instinct and finally onto my current ride which is a 2010 EMX-5 (with the old Mercx geometry - 56.2 TT and a 72.6 STA). Bike has a 120 mm stem and nose of the saddle is 6.5 cm behind the center of the bb.

Me:

Height - 185 cm
Inseam (cycling) - 87 cm
Thigh length - 39 cm
Total Body Length (sternal notch to floor) - 154 cm
Arm Length - 64 cm
Shoulder Width - 42 cm
Shoe Size - 44

When I got the Merxcx I started with the provided offset seat post and my saddle in the middle of the rails and was way behind KOPS (+/- 6 cm). I know there are lots of different opinions on whether KOPS matters or even exists, but it is what I started with. I went to a fitter with a good reputation (who generally believes in KOPS as a target position for best power generation) and after a very thorough evaluation we went to a straight post with the saddle pretty far forward on the rails. My problem is that in that position (which is still 2cm behind KOPS) I feel like I am too “hands heavy” on the bike unless I am riding really hard and smashing the pedals. If I do the “ride with your hands on the hoods and try taking them off the bars test” I immediately fall forward. I am a thin (165 lb) and pretty fit 40 year old racer and also do a good bit of yoga, so my core is reasonably strong and I have pretty good flexibility.

I have 3 basic questions:

1) Should I just forget about KOPS and keep sliding my saddle back until I feel like my weight distribution is more balanced?

2) Would I be able to achieve better weight distribution by going to a frame with a steeper seat tube angle which would require additional saddle setback to achieve the same position relative to the bottom bracket? I keep staring at frame diagrams and for some reason am having a hard time getting my mind around whether this would help or not…

3) Do I need to stop trying to over simplify a complicated situation and just suck it up and work with a good custom builder to get a bike that will best suite my apparently unique body type?

I really appreciate any thoughts on this – I know I am not the first guy to throw a fitting dilemma out to the forum, but I really am at wits end and am hoping for some ideas from the peanut gallery...