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Thread: The Joke Thread

  1. #81
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    I've got some racing geese for sale. Anyone want a quick gander?
    Dan Bare

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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    shrink: " am gonna show you drawings and you tell me what you see"
    patient: "ok"
    shrink shows drawing of a circle...
    shrink: "what do you see here?"
    patient: " a pussy"
    shrink shows drawing of a square...
    shrink: "what do you see here?"
    patient: " a pussy"
    shrink shows drawing of a triangle...
    shrink: "what do you see here?"
    patient: " a pussy"
    shrink: " I am afraid you are sexually obsessed..."
    patient: " me !!!??? YOU are showing them to me !!!
    Angel Jauregui

  3. #83
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    For Dan:

    What is purple and goes "Bam Bam Bam Bam"?

    Four door grape.

  4. #84
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Too Tall View Post
    What is purple and goes "Bam Bam Bam Bam"?

    Four door grape.
    For some reason that reminded me of this series of elephant jokes that I learned in elementary school:

    Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
    A: So they can hide in cherry trees.

    Q: Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between 4:00 and 5:00PM?
    A: That's when the elephants jump out of the cherry trees.

    Q: Why are Pygmies so short?
    A: They went into the jungle between 4:00 and 5:00PM.

  5. #85
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Bob, there is a family of seven next door included 5 children. These jokes are daily reminders to take it lightly.

    PS Folks, needed reminder we are family fiendly'ish. Keep it reasonable.

  6. #86
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Rabbi goes golfing on Yom Kippur. God determines to punish him. Causes him to get a hole in one. Angel says, shocked, 'How is that a punishment?' God replies, 'Who can he tell?'

  7. #87
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by LarryA View Post
    Rabbi goes golfing on Yom Kippur. God determines to punish him. Causes him to get a hole in one. Angel says, shocked, 'How is that a punishment?' God replies, 'Who can he tell?'
    mawwwwwaaaa hahahaha. On point.

  8. #88
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Who stays out all night on St. Patrick's Day?

    Paddy O Furniture

  9. #89
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to blood donation clinic.
    The nursed asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"

    "I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.
    This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the bike.

  10. #90
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    This one is visual, sorry

    Click on the link, scroll though the four photos, the punchline is "shitchen"

    Enjoy:

    https://twitter.com/zillowgonewild/s...103170/photo/1
    Steve Hampsten
    www.hampsten.blogspot.com
    "Tighten the wingnuts!"

  11. #91
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Took me a minute but then I actually did laugh out loud.

    Edit: the rabbit one I meant.

  12. #92
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by hampco View Post
    This one is visual, sorry

    Click on the link, scroll though the four photos, the punchline is "shitchen"

    Enjoy:

    https://twitter.com/zillowgonewild/s...103170/photo/1
    The days of multi-tasking are upon us.

    Long Island is a funny place (my dad grew up in Blue Point).

    SPP
    My name is Peter Miller.

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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Did you guys hear about that pony with a sore throat?

    ...

    He was a little hoarse.

  14. #94
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    So, a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.....

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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    What do you call an elephant that just doesnt matter?

    ...


    Irrelephant

  16. #96
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by AngryScientist View Post
    What do you call an elephant that just doesnt matter?

    ...


    Irrelephant
    What do you call a cross between a Elephant and a Rhino?






    He!! if I know

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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Why did the elephant dance when he saw the jar of peanut butter?





    It said twist to open on the lid.
    Dan Bare

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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Why did the Elephant paint his toenails yellow green red purple and black?


    So he could hide in the jellybeans.

  19. #99
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    I could not find this elephant joke in this thread. Apologies if it is here and I missed it because it is a well known one.

    How does an elephant get out of a tree?

    He or she hangs on to a leaf and waits for autumn.




    (Or, in the USA, for fall I suppose but autumn makes the joke better I think, fall is a bit obvious)

  20. #100
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    Default Re: The Joke Thread

    Stop me if you heard this one.

    What is purple and goes "thump thump thump thump"?

    Four door grape.

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