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Thread: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

  1. #1
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    Default Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    There’s a rider I see around – no, not just “around,” but “all over the place.” I’ve seen him east of Peterborough, west of Brattleboro, even down south in E-Richie’s neighborhood in north-central MA. His wide-ranging territory is as impressive as his kit – looks like he’s a model from an early 90’s Nashbar catalog. I can never make out the bike (every time I see him, oddly, I’m either in my car or headed the opposite way on the bike) but it doesn’t appear to be anything special. Mass-manufactured steel (not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course) with plain-looking components and wheels. Helmet that, while not a V-1 Pro, is pretty close.

    I see this cat all over the place, all the time in the greater Southwest NH – Eastern VT – Central MA area. And the thing is, he rides like the freakin’ wind. I mean, you know when you see a rider while you’re driving your car, and you can just tell that they’re cruising? I’ve never seen this guy going slow, never seen him taking it easy. And I see him all the time. I can’t imagine how many miles a year this guy gets in. He just flies.

    My wife came up with a great name: Porn ‘Stache Guy. Because he has a fantastic porn ‘stache. Of course. And while I dismiss his clothing and his goofy ‘stache, I know that he would ride my wheels off if we ever got caught riding the same time in the same direction. And he’s ALWAYS OUT THERE. So hats off to ol’ Porn ‘stache. He's a constant reminder that I will always get my ass handed to me by some guy with awful facial hair, 105-level kit, and Performance clothing who rides 8,000 miles a year.

    Porn 'Stache Guy has never heard of Rapha. He isn't aware that shifting can be accomplished without cables. He doesn't care. He's too busy riding.

    Any others out there? Who is your local Porn ‘Stache Guy?
     

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    The only thing I take away from this is your wife is a connoisseur of cheesy porn.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    Max. A frenchman who has ridden "non-stop" across several continents. I see him almost daily in various areas of town. He's gotta be 70-ish but looks late 50's. He always is gracious for a pull - more than I can say about all the others. His son has a sweet Eddie Merckx that I've seen a couple of time.
    Auk's words to live by:
    Blow up and pin a picture of M. Bartoli on your wall. When you achieve that position, stop. Until then, stretch, ride, stretch, ride, eat less, and ride more.

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    I dunno about the stache but weze gotz a local that runs nearly every day but in a long sleeve, short legged wet suit. Zipped all the way up.
    rain or shine, summer or winter.
    you make the call.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    I always see this couple riding a tandem. Both are easily in their 60's. The wife has an odd setup, which is probably to accommodate a physical limitation, as she is a little stiff looking off the bike. Nice folks and always wave and smile.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    Whenever I take a certain route to work I always cross paths with an older guy - gotta be in his 70s - in a red windbreaker on an orange Lemond with dark blue panels. Always a nod or wave. I have no idea what his name is, since we ride in opposite directions, but he has my complete respect. I hope I'm still on a bike at his age. In my mind his name is Bob.

    Another guy is really tall and rides a mountain bike. I call him Dirk in my head but, again, have no idea what his actual name is.

    My brother thinks I'm weird for mentally naming other cyclists.
    steve cortez

    FNG

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    There's a guy I see in my neighborhood almost every day on my way home from work. Baseball cap, sleeveless jersey, older Scott Addict. He looks like he's spinning easy, but he's flying. I never see him on any of the local group rides or even riding with someone else. I very rarely ride late in the day, but I once found myself on his wheel and had to work to stay there. The man was in the zone. No small talk and barely any recognition I was even there. I don't have a name for him, though. Or certainly not one as good as porn 'stache guy.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    Quote Originally Posted by monadnocky View Post
    I see this cat all over the place, all the time in the greater Southwest NH – Eastern VT – Central MA area.

    I can’t imagine how many miles a year this guy gets in. He just flies.
    I wouldn't be surprised if he's a nordic skier; that 'hood used to have lots of kickass ones and I don't think they buy into the road bike arms race so much, but they kill it. When the Tour of the Valleys was still going on a lot of those guys would turn out to race the citizen class and you could totally tell who they were.

    Around here we've got a woman on a hybrid who wears purple clothes and doesn't wear a helmet, who slowly grinds it out on the roads all summer long, all over north county. From my interactions with her, I think it's a form of self-medication. I'll be the first to say she's not alone in that.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    My local Porn ‘Stache Guy is a friend. And I am not ashamed to say I love him.

     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    Looks a bit like an older Paolo Bettini.
    YOTO-You only tan once.

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    Years ago, a friend and I met a guy riding an old Cannondale with downtube shifters and no handlebar tape. He asked us to ride with him and he just took off with an odd grin the entire time. He had scotch tape holding the brake casing to the bar. The aluminum frame had corrosion all over the place with paint flaking off everywhere. The crappy plastic housing holders on the top tube were long gone and the housing was held on with electrical tape. The guy said maybe two words and just mashed for 3 hours at an obnoxious speed. After staring at his rear tire for hours and bonking, I noticed that his wheel was nowhere near true and the cords were showing through the rear tire tread. When I told him about it, he informed me that there was plenty of life left in the tire.

    I still see they guy once in a while. He still has the same odd grin but now he has a Pinarello Paris carbon with severely yellowed clear coat. The components are a total mishmash and gravity is about the only thing holding the bar tape on. The thing squeaks, creaks and pops with every pedal stroke but he doesn't seem to notice or care. I asked him about the Cannondale and he still rides it in bad weather.

    He is legendary around here. I also learned that he is the CEO of a local architectural firm.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    I was in my LBS and saw this somewhat odd looking ti bike with all the gadgets on it - aero bars, a rack, copious reflective strips, a few lights, dangly lights, a goofy saddle. The bike was built by a local 'beginner' and I was judging both the craftsmanship and the parts hanging on it and the shop dudes agreed that it was goofy, but they said he is this guy who is in his late 70's, retired and logs something like 60,000km (uhhhh, what's that? 40,000 miles) per year. He apparently just goes out for the hell of it several times per week for ten hours rides. Rain or shine, day or night, this guy rides. I then shut my trap.

    I saw him a few months later out riding (while I was driving, naturally) and he looked pretty goofy, but you can't argue with that kind of mileage. Awesome!




    Second, when i first moved to Switzerland, I met an English guy who was my regular riding partner. When he first saw my Serotta and I waxed poetic about it, he just said, 'never heard of it. Have they been in the TdF?". He rode this old Cannondale with 9spd Ultegra and torn bar tape, saddle wearing almost through. I thought he was a lightweight until I realized that he rode all the time and therefore there was a reason his bike was trashed - because he used the shit out of it. We basically stopped riding together, mostly due to a personality conflict, but also because I just couldn't keep up with him. Or maybe I didn't want to ride with him - that's it.

    He eventually bought his dream bike (a C50) and his C'dale was sent to the UK for backup duty when he visited. It was refreshing to see someone using his bike as a tool rather than fetishizing it like I do. It was a good reality check.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    there's a dude like that around here
    he rides a fixed gear with alot of gear inches
    he's not a hipster
    he's been riding that bike for 15yrs or longer i've been told by some of the older riders around here
    everytime i've seen him he has no shirt on, but that's only been twice for me
    but i know that dude can fkcn ride
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    Nick Crumpton and I used to work in this bike shop in downtown Austin off of 15th street (and Lamar). There was this guy we called 5'oclock Charlie because like clockwork, around 5pm, he would blast through our parking lot on a black fixed gear with nothing but a pair of black shorts and cycling shoes on. No helmet (that I remember, hey it was a long time ago) and no jersey. He did have a sweet ass tan and he always seemed to be moving pretty quick. I think he was a lawyer that did a hilly west austin loop on that fixed gear pretty much every day. I dont know how many years he was at it. I don't remember a stache...
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    I just started seeing a guy with a 70's-80's porn stache around my hood.
    He wears it extremely well. Old school steel race bike, plain black shorts, National team at worlds jersey (old US Pro style), no helmet, 70's-80's hair too.
    Can't do much better than that.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    This guy: I talked to him a few times when I used to work at the local bike co-op. He is (or was at that time) a homeless-by-choice vet, living at the Mission shelter. He spends all his time and money upgrading his uber-commuter that must weigh 60lbs and just rides around town all day. He never goes fast but seemingly never stops. Nice guy but don't get trapped talking to him, it never ends...
    080929_085024_6586.jpg
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    [QUOTE=brndll;498259] nothing but a pair of black shorts and cycling shoes on. /QUOTE]

    A friend of mine went to grad school at UNM and used to tell me about riding with a guy who rode like this through the whole Albuquerque winter. Chilly Lee, they called him.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    theres a guy around the north shore... big, very big...
    probably weighs 325 or more.
    he is a bull on the bike.
    he patrols the roads around and watches out for all the local pros out for a cruise.
    he seriously tortures the (real ) pros severely. they moan and groan when they see him coming the other way- he turns around and follows or he will catch them from behind.
    remarkable really... if this guy weighed 200 pounds he would be a killer.
    he has won a few cat 3 races over the years.
    i am amazed that his carbon bike does not shatter into pieces when he sprints. a credit to fuji.
     

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    There was a guy that hung around Seattle, usually on Capitol Hill (maybe not too surprising) back in the 90's... White Kestrel frame, white Aerospoke wheels, white bar tape... with a big broadsword strapped across his back. The true knight riding in on a white stallion. Seriously. Big guy (as in Conan big, not Andre the Giant big). Whenever there were races at Volunteer Park, he'd show up and just cruise around. I saw him around the UW campus several times as well. No armor though...
    DT

    http://www.mjolnircycles.com/

    Some are born to move the world to live their fantasies...

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    Default Re: Porn 'Stache Guy - who is yours?

    Quote Originally Posted by brndll View Post
    Nick Crumpton and I used to work in this bike shop in downtown Austin off of 15th street (and Lamar). There was this guy we called 5'oclock Charlie because like clockwork, around 5pm, he would blast through our parking lot on a black fixed gear with nothing but a pair of black shorts and cycling shoes on. No helmet (that I remember, hey it was a long time ago) and no jersey. He did have a sweet ass tan and he always seemed to be moving pretty quick. I think he was a lawyer that did a hilly west austin loop on that fixed gear pretty much every day. I dont know how many years he was at it. I don't remember a stache...
    see guys
    i didn't make it up
    same dude...
     

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